Now I sit in my apartment filling the hole with the internet, facebook, gmail, spotify, itunes and now Blogging! I've never had a blog and must be honest have never hooked onto what blogging actually is though the last few weeks I have been speaking about starting one and to be consistent with my spoken word I have figured out how to do it and its done.
I have my last weekend in Trondheim ahead of me before I depart and begin my journey back to the land Downunder. I've been here for 4 years now and such significant years of my development as a big-human-in-the-making they have been. My first long term job, my first time paying rent, my first time living so far from home etc... and now I'm packing up and saying good-bye to all that has been with no real plans for what will be. No real plans, just hopes and possibilities which are enough!
Last night I said good bye to Ali! Wow! That was a ride. There is a song, All Cried Out, by Allure and the true meaning of that song came into reality last night. It was one of the saddest nights I have ever experienced. After 6 years of shared time and space we were to say goodbye not knowing whether our paths will ever cross again. Of course there is the internet: skype, facebook, email, and all that Jazz but the possibility of not sharing physical time and space was heartbreaking. He has been my lover, my friend, my punching bag, my mentor, my pillow, my vice, my chef, my nurturer and the human that has accessed more of my inner-workings than any other during my life-time! He is the one human who has met every member of my immediate family, which is more than my immediate family, who, to this date have not met each due to distance and circumstance. He is familiar with all my faces and has accepted each and everyone of them unconditionally despite the challenges that some have posed for him. And last night we said our farewells. I felt like a walking cliché when I said we can't say good bye, only see you later, yet I really hope that will be the case.
I woke this morning with pillows under my eyes, emptiness in my soul and a desire to crawl into a hole and not have to deal with the consequences of the choices I've made. Luckily the small humans are a beacon of light always! One cannot remain dark and empty when sharing time and space with their radiance! After drawing and discussing why the red team won the football match in the picture, and the reason the yellow team was so awful, and why the green field had to be three shades of green rather than two, my nights tragedies were no more. And after a day at the vitenskapmuseum I must go on with all that shall be and just keep living la vida loca!
I feel centred. I feel alone. I feel calm. I feel like having solitude. I feel certain I've made the right decision. I feel like I have too many clothes and am not looking forward to having to sort through them and decide which clothes have to go to the salvation army and which must be sent along the yellow brick road to the wizard of Oz. I feel a little anxious that I may have gotten a mate into a sticky situation because I told a friend what the mate had said about her and the mate was confronted...those are situations I don't like getting involved in and I did! I feel sad to be leaving Trondheim and all that I've come to love here. I feel all cried out...and...I feel ready to take on the next leg of my journey!