Sunday, February 6, 2011

The courageous but brainless pigeon.

Whilst sitting and putting the last touches to my rather scatterbrained introduction essay that is due tomorrow morning, a courageous pigeon decided to take a stroll in through the open kitchen door. It paraded across the floor, did a nice little poo and the continued on into the lounge. I did no see the pigeon taking it's walk of honour through the house and after having printed out my first draft I decided to spoil myself to a cup of tea with sugar and milk and a cup-cake from Joe and Taryn's wedding, sit in the lounge and go through the essay attempting to rectify some of the oh! so grand errors that I can see yet know not how to fix. Whilst sitting there, sipping on my tea and with red pen scratching, crissing and crossing I heard a fluster of wings going wild some where, I heard and thought perhaps rocco was having a good old shake, as dogs are known to be great movers and shakers when they so feel like it. SO i proceeded to continue with my thorough damnation of my written essay and once again, this fluster of wings rattling again what sounded like a window. Not daring to further enter the lounge I decided to stroll around to the outside of the suspected window and there sitting like an empress on her thrown was a beautiful pigeon looking out through the window and terrible confused as to why she could see the world yet was bound by some invisible force that prevented her from taking flight. My initial reaction was simple, open up all possible doors and windows and gently coerce the bright and beautiful bird into simply flying out....just like I do with flies and mosquitoes when they are inappropriately sharing space with me, 'shoo, mosquito, i do not want to smack you so just fly out the window and we will both be winners.' Mosquitoes are intelligent beings when they're not suicidal and will often listen to my words of advice, so to with flies who do not simply try to fly out of one part of the window but buzz buzz buzz around the whole glass until they find a window of opportunity and take it for freedom is for the most part a much better prospect than the doom and gloom of death. Anyway, this pigeon, this bird, as beautiful and elegant as her appearances presented her, was not terribly bright and seemed to have loose bowels because she simply tried to fly in a similar manner to before the windows and doorways and portals to a better world were open and also do a helava lot of pooing. Meanwhile Rocco, sweat and noble Rocket of a dog was beside himself, how on earth had this alien being entered his territory without his knowing and why wouldn't it leave when he barked and why was it stressing out his Tanya so? He jumped at the bird and barked more and the bird flittered and flattered more and more relieving of herself on the window sill and it was all to much so Rocco and I retreated to the safety of the garden to attempt another strategy. I thought a wonderful thought scaring not scarring (just looked the spelling up and both came up....not sure which is the real gerund of to scare) the bird so picked up a harmless looking stick and threw it towards the window. This did not have the desired effect, Rocco thought we were playing fetch and launched at top speed into the garden and the bird didn't blink an eye-lid. So thought number two was to shoo the bird from the inside with a newspaper...Rocco, now in the mood for some fun jumped up and grabbed the news paper from my hand and that was the end of that idea. The not so bright at all pigeon by this stage was getting into quite a state and was frightened out of her wits. And I was babbling and babbling to the poor bird but communication was not working so I eventually opted to try and hold the bird and thrust it in the direction of freedom, after all people in movies always handle pigeons when they want to send messages to far away lands and so it is, sneaking up on it I tried to use a calm and controlled approach so that it would immediately trust me and know that I was not going to try and cook it, simply hold it for some milliseconds and then it would no longer be stuck...the brainless bird did not resonate with my thoughts and instead flittered and flattered in a fluster against the glass even more vigorously and I, afraid of it doing it's number two on my hands, also started frolicking and flinching and then miraculously I had this gentle and soft stressed out creature in between my palms, turned 90 degrees and set it off towards the light and she being able to utilize her wings in the open space gracefully flew away. Rocco thought I was the best thing since sliced bread after this bold and brave act and jumped up and down and wagged his wonderful little tail like the wings of humming bird and together we celebrated this feat by finishing off the delicious brandy soaked wedding cup cake (and him a dog biscuit). He now, so tired after the shenanigans i passed out on the carpet and I still have the arduous task of attempting to bring my essay to life.

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